The care and feeding of Margaret
Dec. 22nd, 2005 01:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mari4212I've seen this around a few places on my friendslist, so I thought I should probably post my own version.
How can I tell if you are angry?
If you are the one getting me angry, I'll go quiet. My face will probably go pale or red, depending on how angry I am, and I will look to exit the conversation as fast as possible. I don't like dealing with people when I'm angry, because I know I'll say something I regret. If you push me to my limit, I will either start screaming, or more likely, start crying.
If you're a bystander, I'll be quiet, and walk fast past you. I want to get somewhere where I can be alone and cry/hit a pillow until I'm calmed down enough to talk to someone without screaming.
Online, I'll back off and ignore you until I can deal with you calmly, then I will talk to you.
How do you want me to behave when you are hurting emotionally? How is it best to comfort you?
Give me a little time alone, then let me tell you about it and cry on your shoulder. After a while, I'll calm down and we can talk it out and you can help me reach a decision. I want comfort first.
Online, just reasure me, let me know you care, and I will eventually relax. Hugs are good.
Are there things we should not discuss?
Don't insult people to my face, especially not my friends. If we can both be polite about it, I'm willing to discuss many things. Don't assume that because I'm willing to debate I'm ready to be talked out of a strongly held belief. And if you act like a bigot, I will get away from you as fast as possible. I cannot stand bigotry.
How should I treat you if you are physically ill?
Give me plenty of tea, a few good books, and check on me every so often. I like sympathy, and the knowledge that you're there and care for me, but I also just want to hole up and avoid many people till I'm feeling better.
What makes you happy, that's in my power to grant as a friend?
Be there for me, let me share in your joys and be there for your problems. Let us share the silly times together, and talk for hours about various things.
How would you like us to recognize your birthday?
A comment or a card. Dinner out with a few friends/family. Nothing big. Please realize, for the past few years, I've been sick on my birthday, so I don't want anything big. Small gifts are welcome, but by no means necessary.
Are there any standing categories of presents that would be appropriate or unwelcome?
Books are always good. As is music from groups that you know I like. Small things that made you think of me are good. Please don't go overboard, or get me something just because it's my birthday.
Are there times of the year that are difficult for you? Please explain if you are comfortable.
Not specific times of the year. There are situations that upset me or are difficult, but not specific times. I don't like crowds, I don't like being put on the spot, and I don't like being forced into something. Come to me on a one-on-one basis, ask me privately to do something, and ask me, don't order me. I'll bend over backwards to help you, but if you try to force me, I'll fight it.
Who are the most important people in your life to whom we should defer when making plans on your behalf?
Please don't make plans without my knowledge. If you are planning something, give me advance notice, and talk to my mother or my close friends, as they can tell you when something will be okay or if it will upset me.
Most of this will be rather obvious to those who know me well.
How can I tell if you are angry?
If you are the one getting me angry, I'll go quiet. My face will probably go pale or red, depending on how angry I am, and I will look to exit the conversation as fast as possible. I don't like dealing with people when I'm angry, because I know I'll say something I regret. If you push me to my limit, I will either start screaming, or more likely, start crying.
If you're a bystander, I'll be quiet, and walk fast past you. I want to get somewhere where I can be alone and cry/hit a pillow until I'm calmed down enough to talk to someone without screaming.
Online, I'll back off and ignore you until I can deal with you calmly, then I will talk to you.
How do you want me to behave when you are hurting emotionally? How is it best to comfort you?
Give me a little time alone, then let me tell you about it and cry on your shoulder. After a while, I'll calm down and we can talk it out and you can help me reach a decision. I want comfort first.
Online, just reasure me, let me know you care, and I will eventually relax. Hugs are good.
Are there things we should not discuss?
Don't insult people to my face, especially not my friends. If we can both be polite about it, I'm willing to discuss many things. Don't assume that because I'm willing to debate I'm ready to be talked out of a strongly held belief. And if you act like a bigot, I will get away from you as fast as possible. I cannot stand bigotry.
How should I treat you if you are physically ill?
Give me plenty of tea, a few good books, and check on me every so often. I like sympathy, and the knowledge that you're there and care for me, but I also just want to hole up and avoid many people till I'm feeling better.
What makes you happy, that's in my power to grant as a friend?
Be there for me, let me share in your joys and be there for your problems. Let us share the silly times together, and talk for hours about various things.
How would you like us to recognize your birthday?
A comment or a card. Dinner out with a few friends/family. Nothing big. Please realize, for the past few years, I've been sick on my birthday, so I don't want anything big. Small gifts are welcome, but by no means necessary.
Are there any standing categories of presents that would be appropriate or unwelcome?
Books are always good. As is music from groups that you know I like. Small things that made you think of me are good. Please don't go overboard, or get me something just because it's my birthday.
Are there times of the year that are difficult for you? Please explain if you are comfortable.
Not specific times of the year. There are situations that upset me or are difficult, but not specific times. I don't like crowds, I don't like being put on the spot, and I don't like being forced into something. Come to me on a one-on-one basis, ask me privately to do something, and ask me, don't order me. I'll bend over backwards to help you, but if you try to force me, I'll fight it.
Who are the most important people in your life to whom we should defer when making plans on your behalf?
Please don't make plans without my knowledge. If you are planning something, give me advance notice, and talk to my mother or my close friends, as they can tell you when something will be okay or if it will upset me.
Most of this will be rather obvious to those who know me well.
