Ficpost: What Might Have Been 4/?
Jul. 23rd, 2006 01:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mari4212Title What Might Have Been
Fandom: Doctor Who
Timeline: Tenth Doctor, AU from Girl in the Fireplace.
Author's Notes: Much thanks to my beta,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ljmckay whose comments drastically improve this story.
Previous posts are: here http://mari4212.livejournal.com/85585.html for part one , here
http://mari4212.livejournal.com/88743.html for part two, and here http://mari4212.livejournal.com/105066.html for part three.
The Greeks, her tutor had told her once, believed that the gods held two jars - one filled with joy, the other with pain - and poured an allotment of each into every person’s life. From what Reinette had seen of life, the idea had some merit. On the one hand, clockwork monsters had hunted her for most of her life. On the other hand, the Doctor had always come to rescue her when the monsters threatened. On one hand, she achieved her ultimate ambition and was made the king’s mistress. On the other, she had given up so many ordinary joys in her quest to the top. Even when she had looked into her Doctor’s mind, oh so many years ago, she had seen the same balance. He had experienced pain unequaled by mortal reckoning, but had seen the wonders of the universe and tasted joy beyond anything humans could imagine.
But this time, all of the joy seemed to have been poured into her life’s vessel, while Rose received the pain. The Doctor had risked everything to come and rescue her, and had then brought her with him away from the glass and gilt halls of Versailles into a world of time vortices and TARDISes. She’d found new joys in this experience, learned of a world beyond the insulated bubble of courtly life. But Rose had lost her place as the focus of the Doctor’s attention, and Reinette could see how it was paining her.
The boy, Mickey, had seen it as well. Shortly after Reinette had arrived, he’d asked the Doctor to take him back to his time and place. Reinette had overheard Mickey begging Rose to come back with him, and he’d bluntly brought up how much the Doctor’s actions had hurt her in his attempts to convince her to go with him. She’d left then, not wishing to eavesdrop, but the result of the conversation had been obvious. Mickey had left the next morning, grim faced and solemn, and there had been a tension in Rose’s shoulders and a drawn look about her mouth as she hugged him and bade him goodbye.
Since then, Rose had withdrawn further into herself with each passing day. She’d smiled and bantered when the Doctor made an effort to pull her into their conversations, but it seemed that he was the only one who didn’t realize how empty her laughter had become. Ironically, Reinette thought, Rose was more at ease with her than with the Doctor.
It took two weeks after Mickey left before Reinette made her decision. This situation could not continue as it was now. The tension was growing and one of them would surely shatter if any more stress was applied. And as the Doctor continued to ignore the emotional undercurrents, Reinette would have to intervene. If Reinette had been willing to lie to herself, she would probably be telling herself that helping Rose Tyler would certainly be easier than cultivating a friendship with Marie Antoinette while simultaneously remaining King Louis’ mistress. Since Reinette despised that type of self-indulgence and refused to give in to it, she knew that it would be much more difficult to help Rose. Marie had simply wanted attention and respect, Rose was a deeply hurt teenager who was attempting to bury her emotions rather than force a confrontation where she didn’t know how the Doctor would react.
She planned her attack carefully, waiting for a time when she knew that the Doctor had settled into a long bout of tinkering with the TARDIS controls and she and Rose would be uninterrupted. When attempts to converse with the Doctor had lapsed into his absent-minded ramblings she knew that it was safe to confront Rose without fear of interruption by the subject of their conversation.
Reinette sat down opposite Rose at the kitchen table, hands curled around a mug of hot chocolate, as Rose gazed tiredly into the steam emanating from her mug of tea. She glanced down at the scarred wood of the table, unsure now as to how to broach the subject.
Rose saved her the trouble of searching for a suitably tactful entrée into what would assuredly be a difficult conversation for the both of them by blurting out, “It’s about the Doctor, isn’t it? And how I’ve been retreating, letting him talk to you instead of being there with him myself.”
Always direct, this girl. And courageous, to not turn away from a discussion that she knew was going to touch on painful subjects and raw nerves. Very well then, Reinette could do nothing less than be as direct and honest as Rose had been. “In a word, yes. You may have hidden your feelings from the Doctor, but for all of his gifts he is still a man and not as aware of what others are feeling. It has been rather obvious to me for some time now that you were deeply unhappy, and that much of your unhappiness can be traced back to when the Doctor brought me with him into the future.”
Rose flushed deeply and looked away, staring off into the distance and blinking several times before she brought her gaze back to Reinette. She swallowed and took a sip of her tea before she answered, while Reinette waited patiently for her to regain her composure and continue. “You’re right,” she said finally, “it all started when he went back to rescue you from the clockwork robots. The Doctor thought it was gonna be a one way trip when he left, and I wasn’t sure I would be able to fly the TARDIS back to my time and wait for him to find me. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to even try before you two found that fireplace and came back. And then you were there, and I’d heard him when he had talked about you. You were beautiful and brilliant and you understood him, and I’m just a shop-girl from London. I thought I was past all that, all those insecurities, but then you came and he’s been so happy and so excited to show you space and time, and they just came running back.”
She stopped the rapid stream of words, scrubbing her hands across her face and breathing heavily. Looking up again, she continued. “And to make it worse, I even like you. I can’t even sit here and complain that you’re a bitch or something, like I would’ve if you hadn’t been so nice about all of this.”
To collect her thoughts, and avoid answering Rose immediately, Reinette resorted to sipping at her hot chocolate. On the one hand, it was good to know that Rose was aware of herself and her feelings, but how to draw her out of this cycle of tensions and anguish? Perhaps…”I’m reminded of our first meeting, when the Doctor sent you to warn me of what was to come. Do you remember?”
At Rose’s tentative nod she continued. “You told me that history had not intended for it to be the way it was, that I shouldn’t have ever had to confront the monsters. I was impatient with you at the time, in part because I was used to the Doctor coming for me. But there was one thing that we both agreed upon there, and that was that while the Doctor and the monsters seemed inseparable, knowing the Doctor was worth any of the monsters which might follow in his wake.”
Rose looked up and caught Reinette’s eyes, seeming to follow her train of thought. “And my jealousy’s just another one of those monsters, isn’t it? I want the Doctor, want the life he’s given me, and I wasn’t ready to share it. But if I keep dwelling on it, I’m going to lose track of what’s actually important.” She straightened, setting her shoulders back and lifting her chin. “And I’m not going to. I’ve got what I want, I’ve got the Doctor and the TARDIS and all of time and space to explore.” And again she caught Reinette’s steady gaze. “And now I’ve got a friend with me to help keep him from getting himself killed again.”
A soft sound from the console room caught their ears, then, and Reinette knew that the Doctor would soon be up and around, looking for them. But now that the tensions brewing within Rose had been lanced like a boil, that wouldn’t be so bad.
Crossposted to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
time_and_chips.
Fandom: Doctor Who
Timeline: Tenth Doctor, AU from Girl in the Fireplace.
Author's Notes: Much thanks to my beta,
ljmckay whose comments drastically improve this story. Previous posts are: here http://mari4212.livejournal.com/85585.html for part one , here
http://mari4212.livejournal.com/88743.html for part two, and here http://mari4212.livejournal.com/105066.html for part three.
The Greeks, her tutor had told her once, believed that the gods held two jars - one filled with joy, the other with pain - and poured an allotment of each into every person’s life. From what Reinette had seen of life, the idea had some merit. On the one hand, clockwork monsters had hunted her for most of her life. On the other hand, the Doctor had always come to rescue her when the monsters threatened. On one hand, she achieved her ultimate ambition and was made the king’s mistress. On the other, she had given up so many ordinary joys in her quest to the top. Even when she had looked into her Doctor’s mind, oh so many years ago, she had seen the same balance. He had experienced pain unequaled by mortal reckoning, but had seen the wonders of the universe and tasted joy beyond anything humans could imagine.
But this time, all of the joy seemed to have been poured into her life’s vessel, while Rose received the pain. The Doctor had risked everything to come and rescue her, and had then brought her with him away from the glass and gilt halls of Versailles into a world of time vortices and TARDISes. She’d found new joys in this experience, learned of a world beyond the insulated bubble of courtly life. But Rose had lost her place as the focus of the Doctor’s attention, and Reinette could see how it was paining her.
The boy, Mickey, had seen it as well. Shortly after Reinette had arrived, he’d asked the Doctor to take him back to his time and place. Reinette had overheard Mickey begging Rose to come back with him, and he’d bluntly brought up how much the Doctor’s actions had hurt her in his attempts to convince her to go with him. She’d left then, not wishing to eavesdrop, but the result of the conversation had been obvious. Mickey had left the next morning, grim faced and solemn, and there had been a tension in Rose’s shoulders and a drawn look about her mouth as she hugged him and bade him goodbye.
Since then, Rose had withdrawn further into herself with each passing day. She’d smiled and bantered when the Doctor made an effort to pull her into their conversations, but it seemed that he was the only one who didn’t realize how empty her laughter had become. Ironically, Reinette thought, Rose was more at ease with her than with the Doctor.
It took two weeks after Mickey left before Reinette made her decision. This situation could not continue as it was now. The tension was growing and one of them would surely shatter if any more stress was applied. And as the Doctor continued to ignore the emotional undercurrents, Reinette would have to intervene. If Reinette had been willing to lie to herself, she would probably be telling herself that helping Rose Tyler would certainly be easier than cultivating a friendship with Marie Antoinette while simultaneously remaining King Louis’ mistress. Since Reinette despised that type of self-indulgence and refused to give in to it, she knew that it would be much more difficult to help Rose. Marie had simply wanted attention and respect, Rose was a deeply hurt teenager who was attempting to bury her emotions rather than force a confrontation where she didn’t know how the Doctor would react.
She planned her attack carefully, waiting for a time when she knew that the Doctor had settled into a long bout of tinkering with the TARDIS controls and she and Rose would be uninterrupted. When attempts to converse with the Doctor had lapsed into his absent-minded ramblings she knew that it was safe to confront Rose without fear of interruption by the subject of their conversation.
Reinette sat down opposite Rose at the kitchen table, hands curled around a mug of hot chocolate, as Rose gazed tiredly into the steam emanating from her mug of tea. She glanced down at the scarred wood of the table, unsure now as to how to broach the subject.
Rose saved her the trouble of searching for a suitably tactful entrée into what would assuredly be a difficult conversation for the both of them by blurting out, “It’s about the Doctor, isn’t it? And how I’ve been retreating, letting him talk to you instead of being there with him myself.”
Always direct, this girl. And courageous, to not turn away from a discussion that she knew was going to touch on painful subjects and raw nerves. Very well then, Reinette could do nothing less than be as direct and honest as Rose had been. “In a word, yes. You may have hidden your feelings from the Doctor, but for all of his gifts he is still a man and not as aware of what others are feeling. It has been rather obvious to me for some time now that you were deeply unhappy, and that much of your unhappiness can be traced back to when the Doctor brought me with him into the future.”
Rose flushed deeply and looked away, staring off into the distance and blinking several times before she brought her gaze back to Reinette. She swallowed and took a sip of her tea before she answered, while Reinette waited patiently for her to regain her composure and continue. “You’re right,” she said finally, “it all started when he went back to rescue you from the clockwork robots. The Doctor thought it was gonna be a one way trip when he left, and I wasn’t sure I would be able to fly the TARDIS back to my time and wait for him to find me. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to even try before you two found that fireplace and came back. And then you were there, and I’d heard him when he had talked about you. You were beautiful and brilliant and you understood him, and I’m just a shop-girl from London. I thought I was past all that, all those insecurities, but then you came and he’s been so happy and so excited to show you space and time, and they just came running back.”
She stopped the rapid stream of words, scrubbing her hands across her face and breathing heavily. Looking up again, she continued. “And to make it worse, I even like you. I can’t even sit here and complain that you’re a bitch or something, like I would’ve if you hadn’t been so nice about all of this.”
To collect her thoughts, and avoid answering Rose immediately, Reinette resorted to sipping at her hot chocolate. On the one hand, it was good to know that Rose was aware of herself and her feelings, but how to draw her out of this cycle of tensions and anguish? Perhaps…”I’m reminded of our first meeting, when the Doctor sent you to warn me of what was to come. Do you remember?”
At Rose’s tentative nod she continued. “You told me that history had not intended for it to be the way it was, that I shouldn’t have ever had to confront the monsters. I was impatient with you at the time, in part because I was used to the Doctor coming for me. But there was one thing that we both agreed upon there, and that was that while the Doctor and the monsters seemed inseparable, knowing the Doctor was worth any of the monsters which might follow in his wake.”
Rose looked up and caught Reinette’s eyes, seeming to follow her train of thought. “And my jealousy’s just another one of those monsters, isn’t it? I want the Doctor, want the life he’s given me, and I wasn’t ready to share it. But if I keep dwelling on it, I’m going to lose track of what’s actually important.” She straightened, setting her shoulders back and lifting her chin. “And I’m not going to. I’ve got what I want, I’ve got the Doctor and the TARDIS and all of time and space to explore.” And again she caught Reinette’s steady gaze. “And now I’ve got a friend with me to help keep him from getting himself killed again.”
A soft sound from the console room caught their ears, then, and Reinette knew that the Doctor would soon be up and around, looking for them. But now that the tensions brewing within Rose had been lanced like a boil, that wouldn’t be so bad.
Crossposted to
time_and_chips.