In defense of (waiting for) Atticus Finch
Jun. 7th, 2013 09:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mari4212Occasionally, I get asked why I'm still single, or why I'm not actively dating anyone. Certainly, last year when I was working for Americorps, the students I was working with could not understand why I wasn't dating anyone, or why I was not actively looking/upset that I didn't have a boyfriend. When I explained that at least part of it was that I had very high standards, their response was nearly universal. They all said something along the lines of me needing to drop the standards so that I could actually get a guy.
And what, pray tell, were those so unreasonable standards? Kindness, integrity, gentleness, geekiness/intelligence, and reasonably attractive, as there has to be at least some level of physical chemistry. Yeah, I want a man that somewhat resembles Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird. This is apparently considered an impossible combination to want out of a guy I'd date, because real guys aren't kind, don't have a moral code they follow, and aren't smart. Or at least, expecting all of that in one guy is impossible.
Excuse me? Hell no, I know there are guys like that in the world. My father is one of them. So is my brother, and my brother in law. So is my one friend's husband, and my best friend's long-term boyfriend.siruta and elvisvf101 are men like that. My priest, and many of the men at my church, are men like that. I have a friend from college where we joked that there'd be a seven-way mud wrestling contest to see who got to date him next, because he was all of that. None of them are perfect. All of them have times they drive people nuts, because human beings are like that. I don't expect perfect relationships, I just expect that the man is going to be worth putting up with the annoying bits. Just like he's going to have to put up with my more annoying bits.
I am surrounded by good men, men who are gentle, kind, have integrity, are intelligent, and who respect the women around them as people. That I'm not dating any of them is a matter of being related to some, others being attached, or outside my age range, or there just not being any spark between us. Or in a few cases, incompatible sexualities. But since I know the worthwhile men are out there, I don't waste my time on the ones that I'd have to lower my standards for.
And yes, this is why I will continue to list Atticus Finch as my ideal guy. Men like him do exist, and are more common than the people telling me to lower my standards admit.
And what, pray tell, were those so unreasonable standards? Kindness, integrity, gentleness, geekiness/intelligence, and reasonably attractive, as there has to be at least some level of physical chemistry. Yeah, I want a man that somewhat resembles Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird. This is apparently considered an impossible combination to want out of a guy I'd date, because real guys aren't kind, don't have a moral code they follow, and aren't smart. Or at least, expecting all of that in one guy is impossible.
Excuse me? Hell no, I know there are guys like that in the world. My father is one of them. So is my brother, and my brother in law. So is my one friend's husband, and my best friend's long-term boyfriend.
siruta and elvisvf101 are men like that. My priest, and many of the men at my church, are men like that. I have a friend from college where we joked that there'd be a seven-way mud wrestling contest to see who got to date him next, because he was all of that. None of them are perfect. All of them have times they drive people nuts, because human beings are like that. I don't expect perfect relationships, I just expect that the man is going to be worth putting up with the annoying bits. Just like he's going to have to put up with my more annoying bits.I am surrounded by good men, men who are gentle, kind, have integrity, are intelligent, and who respect the women around them as people. That I'm not dating any of them is a matter of being related to some, others being attached, or outside my age range, or there just not being any spark between us. Or in a few cases, incompatible sexualities. But since I know the worthwhile men are out there, I don't waste my time on the ones that I'd have to lower my standards for.
And yes, this is why I will continue to list Atticus Finch as my ideal guy. Men like him do exist, and are more common than the people telling me to lower my standards admit.